The Lamarckian Difference: Creating a Legacy of Calm

Choosing to separate outside of court and by working through conflict is not a matter of willpower or ignoring differences; it is a deliberate commitment to creating a smoother, more peaceful, and functional tomorrow. It is consciously protecting your children and creating a legacy of safety and productive communication for their future.

The Theory Behind the Practice

Lamarckian mediation is a nod to an early theory of evolution, called Lamarckian Evolution, which posits that acquired characteristics can be inherited—that a mother's strivings are passed down to her offspring.

The classic example involves the ancestors of the giraffe (the Okapi). When forced into the grasslands where trees were taller, each generation of the Okapi stretched its neck further to reach the higher leaves. If each parent was able to pass on that slightly longer, acquired neck to their children, they were making it more likely for them to survive and thrive.

Passing on the Skill of Peace

In the same way, I believe that in each generation, we can learn and master the skills of conflict resolution and functional communication. Regardless of how you were raised, these are skills we can learn and demonstrate today.

It is a recognition that healing and skill-building require deliberate work—working through emotions, openly sharing information, and meeting conflict squarely. This process is ideally a mix of coaching and mediation to work on issues separately and together, ensuring you negotiate with clear intentions for the best future for your children.

It is through learning and demonstrating these skills that your children will pick up the essential life lessons of managing difficult transitions as naturally as a mother reaching for the next higher, sweeter leaf.

After all, parenting doesn’t end at 18. You will co-parent through graduations, celebrations, marriages, grandchildren, and all of life's ups and downs. My practice ensures that every challenge you resolve together becomes a strength—a durable skill you pass on to the next generation.

Meet Laura

Laura Lorber, J.D., is an MC3 Certified Mediator and Certified Co-Parenting Specialist. She brings a deeply reflective and facilitative approach to complex family matters, including high-conflict co-parenting, major family transitions, and elder care.

Laura’s approach centers on the idea that every conflict offers a chance to model and teach—giving your family a lasting legacy of resilience and understanding for future generations. Her training in infant-toddler development ensures that all parenting plans are grounded in the latest science of child stability and well-being.

Core Mediation Credentials

• MC3 Certified Mediator: The gold standard for mediation practice.

• Certified Co-Parenting Specialist: Specialized training in high-conflict parenting issues.

• J.D. (Doctor of Jurisprudence): University of San Diego School of Law.

• Family Mediation Training: Accredited training through the National Conflict Resolution Center (NCRC) and Southern California Family Mediation.

Family & Child Development Expertise

• Program for Infant-Toddler Care (PITC) Fellow: Expertise in early childhood development, ensuring your parenting plans are developmentally appropriate for even the youngest children.

• Domestic Violence and Family Law: Specialized training to safely manage high-risk conflicts.

• Conflict Resolution and Management (Essential Partners): Extensive training in dialogue and deep conflict resolution techniques.